Life experiences have created a need to please others in order to feel good. When you are a baby, nobody calls you "selfish" when you spend time doing what is best for you, discovering who you are. Why should that change when you are an adult?! Because if you don't do things for others you are considered a bad person? How are you suppose to truly and unconditionally do for others when you don't feel whole within? Many of us seek approval, love, and acceptance from others in order to feel whole. But in doing so, empty your self love cup!
I admit, I am guilty of this as most of us are. Many of us would NEVER admit out loud that they lack self-love...but I bet if you were to ask a group of adults how many of them truly love themselves, you may get 1 out of 10! I know it has been a struggle for me. Well not anymore! Dammit I want a full self love cup! Finally after 33 years of existence on earth, I have realized many areas of my life in which I have put SO much effort into pleasing others that I have emptied my self love cup. For example, how many of you look for praise at work to feel like you did a good job? Or want to hear someone tell you they love you so that you feel loved? These are very common ways in which we are emptying our self love cup. If you truly loved yourself you wouldn't need approval and love from someone else. You would act without expectation and be happy with whatever the result may be! Oh yes, I said that word...expectation!!! The root of all suffering (according to Shakespeare). Well he was onto something! When you act with expectation you are not acting out of love but out of a need for something. When you love your SELF and act with love, you expect nothing and are happy with everything! Pure bliss...doesn't that sound nice!
Falling back in love with your SELF begins with finding out who you truly are and being a peace with all of you. It doesn't mean crawling into a hole and never coming out, but being more aware! I starts with awareness as they say in yoga. I like to make a list of all the things that make me feel joy, peace, sadness, hurt, etc. Once you are aware of these you begin to notice when you are acting out of unconditional love OR you have expectations. When you learn how to make your SELF happy you start to fill up our self love cup. Once your self love cup is full, you can share that love with others in a healthy and non-depleting way. Remember, everyone loves babies....so start acting like one and marvel in all that you are in this moment!